Unimaginable Love

He surrounds me like a quilt

With his never-ending love

My comfort in the face of guilt

If I’m feeling down

Depressed

Stressed

I just whisper

And I know he’s there

For it helps me remember

That he is closer

Than a whisper ever could be

Life is hard

At times I feel so far

Far away from him

Far away from everyone

I lock myself away

“I’m alone”

I say

And I force myself

To have comfort in my dying place

Comfort in the crying place

But he gently leads me back

Picks me up

Like a sick, dying calf

And surrounds me in his love

Washes me in it

Tends to my bloody wounds

Gives me grace

And growing room

He never stops chasing after me

And so you see

I don’t deserve it,

No, my sinning heart

Could never earn it

But he gives it anyway.

Madison Ruttle 2018

Art by Destiny Blue

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Change

The change pulls on my chest

Like a heavy weight tied around my neck

Pulls me into a dark pit

The goodbye letters are piling up

I put off writing them

Because I don’t want to say goodbye

I know they’ll be back,

I know change has to happen

But it drains me

Breaks me

And I just wish some things would stay the same

I miss it.

I miss them

I just want to go back

Back to 9th grade

Back to Beloved

But things keep changing,

Changing,

Changing.

It never stops

And I just wish some things would stay the same

Why am I so keen on change?

After it hits,

I feel like I’m wrapped up in chains

Sick to my stomach

And bursting at the seams.

Change is good, right?

If it is why am I feeling this pain?

And I just wish some things would never change.

Autumn

The water falls delicately from the sky

The wind blows softly,

Brushing against my side

The leaves start to turn,

Showing us what they truly are

And I know that autumn isn’t far

The chilly breeze blows hope into my bones

The parts that died in the heat seem burst back into life

A hat pulled over my chilly ears

A sweatshirt over my frost touched skin

And I know autumn

Is about to begin

The smells of spicy herbs

Waft beneath my chilly red nose

The perfect breeze

Brings a hydration, a refreshing

The wind whispers the glory of its creator

It takes my hand delicately

And pulls me to a place of hope

Yes, autumn has indeed begun

The beautiful balance of frozen and sun

I am ready.

-Madison Ruttle 2018

Seasonal Depression

This Seasonal Depression

Its not a burden

It’s a lesson

And I can choose to push it back

And go through with my attack

Or I can crumble to the floor

Let the feelings break through my locked door

I’m tired of laying around

I’m not observant anymore

Unless it has to do with my ‘phone life’

My drone life

I’m ready to be me again

I’m ready to push the depression away

I’m tired of putting off my work

I’m tired of being selfish

I’m tired of it being all about me

I’m ready to make it about the others I see

One thing I know

Is that depression is yet another feeling

That is taking control

One thing I know

I’m done letting the feeling go

And overpower me

I chose to see through heavenly realities

So yet again I will say

Seasonal depression

It’s not a burden

It’s a lesson

Written in 2018 by Madison Ruttle

Alone.

I feel so alone

My friends aren’t in my zone

They are so far away

And these things that happen

In the world and my life

The secrets within

They are hard

And they are heavy

And I feel like…

I feel like they’re all leaving me

Either that or they’re already gone Written in 2018

The fight

Slowly

In the small things

The world feels like it’s getting to me

And

It stings

Their ways and thoughts

Are screaming at me

Yelling

“It’s all about you!”

And I’m distraught

They’re pushing their ways

On me

I’ve been fighting for days

To be free

Lord, give the the strength

To run your races length

It’s a war in my head

And it won’t be easy

But I think I’m ready to fight

Flesh

The heat ran through my veins

To my toes and from my brain

Anger

I want to control it

To be stronger than my flesh

But the anger grows stronger

And my patience gets shorter

Aren’t I more than what I feel?

Why do I let my emotions control me

Like a boat overtaken by the sea

It’s hard to win

And beat the wind

I hope that I am better

Then my emotions say

I hope that I am stronger

And this is what I pray

Written in 2018

He is more

Why do I feel so lonely

Torn apart and left

Why do I feel so isolated

Hurting inside and a mess

But I cry out to God

As I’m collapsed on the floor

I call out to him

I know he is more

He is more than my struggle

More than my weakness

He is more

And he came through

As he always does

He filled me with his spirit

And showed me un-ending love

I was frozen

Beneath layers of ice

He broke the hardened water and said

‘You are chosen,

And you are mine’

Written in 2018

Exceptance

Sorry I didn’t post yesterday!! This piece is not really a poem, but when I wrote it a while ago when I was struggling with stuff emotionally , and it really got me into writing poetry.

Exceptance

‘Who am I?’. I think so many of us are asking this question.

What if we are all looking in the wrong place? What if we are all digging desperately in the dirt, going deeper and deeper, when the whole time the answer remains in the sky? What if instead of falling deeper into the whole we’ve made, we just lifted our hands and hearts to the sky and let the rain from heaven cleanse us?

Maybe we should stop watching the ground to find pennies to buy our way into exceptance we should look to the man who has his arms open, the man who excepted us long ago.

Writen in 2017

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